They say (the proverbial "they" - we don't really know who that is but it sounds good) doing things that make you afraid is a good thing. One of those things for me is dancing. When I was at USC drama school back in the late eighties I got my schedule the week before my freshman year and there it was in black and white, "Theatre Movement". I thought, how bad can it be? Maybe we'll have to pretend to be an egg frying in a pan or something like that. Oh no, it was Ballet. And there I was - all 5'3" curvy self staring at myself in a mirror that covered every wall. It was not pretty. Especially when everyone around me was thin and beautiful. Even the men. And I am a terrible dancer. I have no rhythm for one and I'm uncoordinated for two. Especially when people are looking at me. I feel that terrible shrivel up and die thing in the pit of my stomach. I just want to melt into the floor.
Anyway, I got through four years of dance class and when I was done I thought, never again. Well now here I am in my (clear my throat) early 40's and I still have no rhythm and I'm still uncoordinated. Here's the difference though. I'm in really really good shape if I do say so myself - especially for a 41 year old. I've worked hard for four years to get in shape. Oh yes, there are muscles and heart strength that can make me go forever. And the other big thing is - I don't care anymore that I'm not perfect. I figure this is the way God made me so I may as well do with it what I can. So I decided to try Zumba. It's all the rage now, great exercise and supposedly super fun. Why not, I thought. I'm always looking for something new. So I tried my first class a month or so ago. I felt the same as when I was in dance class all those years ago. Only not quite as conspicuous and hideous as I felt back then . Anyway, it made me sweat and not just because it is great exercise but because it's something I'm not good at. The teacher, who is incredible and also kind, told me I could come early and she'd teach me some of the steps. It helped. But I'm still pretty bad. I've got the steps for the most part but I don't look particularly graceful nor like I belong there. And I very often feel like that scared kid I used to be in theatre school.
And guess what? I think that's really good. We have to keep trying things that make us sweat. It helps us feel alive. And also, when you finally get that "box step" for the first time it feels pretty darn awesome!
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