My Authentic Path

Wine making in the Basement

My neighbor and good friend is making wine in his basement.  Not a little wine, but bottles and bottles of Cab, Cab Franc, Syrah, Merlot.  This is his second vintage and he's obsessed and I don't mean the bad kind of obsessed.  When I see him lately, he has the look of a person with peace between his shoulder blades, and that sparkle in the eyes of someone enjoying their life.  He has a full-time job in high tech and a wife and two small children and all the reasons or excuses we use not to tackle a dream.

But, he's doing it.  Granted, he has a supportive spouse.  And, it isn't easy.  There are financial sacrifices and time adjustments, but he figured out a way to crush grapes in their former guest room because it was something he loved and that he always wanted to do.

So, in these times where we're all feeling conservative about taking risks it is easy to say to yourself that your dreams need to wait until a better time, a different day.  Let's be honest, with the job market and economy like it is, now is not the time to quit your job to open a Bed and Breakfast.  But, there's always a way to fit your dreams into the practical aspects of your life if you want it bad enough.  We're only here on earth such a short time and if not now, when?

I'll let you know about my friend's wine.  But, don't expect me to share.

Tweaking the Dream

I have a BFA in Acting from USC.  The theatre department accepted thirty students a year in a conservatory type program in which we studied the craft of acting over a four year period.  Sadly, I lost touch with my classmates when I moved from Los Angeles to Seattle in '92.  That is, until last month.  Via a Google search, my two best friends from the program found me and sent me emails.

 

In a strange coincidence, the tragic and untimely death of one of our teachers was announced in the media the very day after they found me.  I forwarded the article to them, they forwarded to a few of our other classmates for whom they had addresses and those did the same, and in two short days almost the entire BFA class of 1991 reconnected in a long email stream.   It’s been a love fest ever since, catching up and reminiscing over email and Facebook. 

 

It’s a shame I lost touch with these people with whom I shared a significant part of my youth – if four years of acting, stagecraft, voice and dance lessons don’t bond you I don’t know what will.  But real life happens after theatre school and we had our ways to find - spouses to meet, children to bear, careers to launch and re-launch as the case may be.  Some of us have had real crosses to bear over the last seventeen years, unspeakable family tragedies, profound losses, and almost unbearable disappointments. 

 

And, now we’re almost forty. 

 

And, everyone’s fine as it turns out.  Not just fine actually - thriving.  Some of us are working actors, but most of us had to find another way, because after studying every aspect of the craft in a protected setting, we realized we had to feed ourselves and be active members of society and all the rest.   I’m not sure any of us would say our lives are what we imagined they might be during the days we walked the halls of the DramaCenter.  I remember one of our teachers saying, in attempt to get us to work harder, that 1% of actors work.  I suspect it may be less than that.   

 

It’s sad if I think about it too much because in the split second it takes to close my eyes I can see them as they were twenty years ago, hanging out at the fountain in front of the Bing theatre - beautiful, passionate, energetic and talented – young people radiating with dreams – their whole lives ahead and the reality of the world having not yet squelched their innocence.   I see the same in my kindergartner sometimes when she doesn’t know I’m looking at her, and I say a silent prayer, please, world, don’t take it away from her.  For my classmates and me, I wished for our dreams to have come true.  I can't speak for them of course, but I know many of mine have not.  For moments at a time, I’m haunted with regret. 

 

But, I have another take on it too.

 

Even when your dreams don’t happen as you imagined when you’re 19, human beings have an incredible way of bouncing back, forward and up.  We find another way to live, to be happy, to create, to get up one more day and fight the good fight.   That is the true test of who you are.  Can you put your foot out of the covers the morning after the disappointment or tragedy and tweak the dream, imagine anew, survive in the reality?   Therein dwells true beauty, true talent.

 

That is what my classmates have done and do.   That is what I’ve done.  And that makes us all heroes.  And, you, dear reader.  You too.

I'm back...

So, I've been absent from my blog for a bit.   I’ve heard from half my readers that they miss my posts.  Okay, it was three of you, but since there’s probably only six readers out there (one of which is my mother) I can say half.   

 

I’ve been consumed in the arduous process of editing and rewriting my novel and it's been so distracting that I've neglected the dishes, the laundry - my husband irons his own shirts the poor man - and been in some kind of creative haze for at least a month now. 

 

The revision process has taken me deeper into the story, the characters, and there are days it takes seeing Ella’s glowing cheeks and sweet grin as she jumps from the bus and skips down the sidewalk to our house to shake myself  back to the reality of snacks, potty training Emerson, figuring something for dinner.  I mean, really, how many nights can you eat grilled chicken and salad?  But, I digress. 

 

My goal is to have the BOOK, the NOVEL, my third flipping BABY, the blasted BEAST, ready for some writer friends to read by the end of the month.  After that feedback, it will be another revision and perhaps then I’ll be able to figure out what to do with it next – agents, publishers – all that.  Just typing the words make me sick to my stomach!

 

Anyway, thanks for the positive strokes about the blog and those who’ve asked for its humble return.  I’ll be posting so many blogs in the next several months you'll be sick of my blathering.  Also, don’t judge me if my husband’s running around Seattle with a wrinkled shirt. 

Squeezing Writing Time into my Saturday

I'm half way through the second revision of my first novel.  It's taken me over a year of dutiful daily writing to get here, which is actually somewhat of a miracle, given I have two small daughters, ages five and two.  The most common question I get from friends and family –

How have you accomplished this with two small children? 

The answer is not pretty - by the sheer force of will, a lot of unwashed dishes, unfolded clothes, teenaged babysitters and dare I admit, the PBS Kids channel.  My personal rule is I must write at least an hour a day and that includes holidays, weekends and vacations.  Weekdays I write two to four hours a day, derived from early mornings, afternoon naptimes, late nights and babysitters.

Yesterday was Saturday and my husband prepared in the garage for a week long Boyscout camping trip with my stepson.  The girls played with their older brother and I crept upstairs to my 'office' - a small desk in the corner of my bedroom - to work.   I hoped to squeeze in an hour before anyone clued into where I was and begged for water, juice, lunch, hugs, a book - you get my drift?

So, here I am, writing covertly in my office, really on a roll, I might add, and Emerson’s sweet voice drifts up the stairs.  She swings open my bedroom door like the ringmaster at a circus and announces both through her odoriferous presence and the word ‘poop’, sung over and over in the melody of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”,  that she needs to be changed.

However, worse than the smell and anticipation of the cleansing of said poop- she has no diaper on.

I jump from my chair, catch her and hold her at arm's length, praying nothing plops from her cute plump bottom onto my clean beige carpet, or my somewhat clean shorts.  She wriggles and flails her legs as I move toward her bedroom, my mind on the location of the discarded diaper and yet still swimming in the fictional scene in which I was so deeply immersed only moments before.

Think how much more I’ll accomplish once she’s potty trained

Rest for the Weary

We have three more days before we head home from our vacation in Hawaii.  As much as I hate to leave the warm weather and the daily trips to the beach I look forward to getting back to the routine of work and daily family life.  I mean, you can't be on vacation forever.

However, each time I take a break from the hectic schedule we sometimes keep I am struck by how meaningful rest can be for your overall health.  A change in scenery and a break from the worries and stress of your 'real life' gives your mind a chance to think and dream.  As much as you think you might not need it - you do. You'll come away with new insights and a new commitment to your goals. 

Here's  to rest.  Sometimes elusive but very necessary.

Jumping in the Water

I'm vacationing this week in lovely Hawaii with my two small daughters and my husband.  Our first day here it is sand blows in your eyes windy.  But being from Seattle where there was ice on the ground when we left, we go to the beach anyway.   Just to look actually.  The adults in our party thought it too chilly and windy to swim but we put the kids in their suits, slathered with sunscreen (my daughter's and I are the fairest people on the beach) just in case they might like to dip their feet in the water.  It is just a walk to scope out the beach for later, you know, when the wind stops blowing and it is a bit warmer.  The adults don't even put our swimsuits on or bring any snacks or water.  We are just looking.

Well, children don't scope things out for later.  They don't care if it is too windy or cold or whatever the excuse may be.  They just care that before them is water so blue and clear you can see strait to the bottom to the fine sand and striped fish swimming.  And they care when they put their sweet toes in the blue water that it is warm and feels oh so lovely on their sticky sun screened skin.  And they jump in.  My five year old plunges in as a matter of fact.  She swims under water with her eyes wide open, her golden curls cascading above the tiny ripples.  Her sister, twenty months, who cannot swim I hasten to mention, follows immediately behind.  She splashes and jumps and moves her chunky arms and legs like she can swim. She heads away from me to deeper waters.  I  pull her out several times and still she leaps in for more.

And right there on the beach I have a little thought.  This is metaphorical for my own life. 

I spend a lot of time worrying I'm wasting time writing a novel when I may not have any talent, or connections to publishers or hell, even anything to say. I think as I'm pulling Emerson out for the fourth time, I should just write like my girls jump in the water.  No excuses, no fear, with joy.

Staying the Path

I had a week full of doubt.  One of those weeks where you wake up in the middle night thinking "this life I want is not going to happen."  I thought about the security of my old position and all the perks that came with it. My thoughts became cluttered with insecurity. Why should it be me that gets to do this work over all the other coaches out there? How can I find enough clients to sustain a decent income for my family?  Maybe being able to do the work I love is simply too much to ask for in this lifetime?

And then I had two sessions with current clients that gave me so much satisfaction and yes, dare I say it, joy that I thought, I can't give up this dream.  I must keep trudging, walking, running down my own path.  I love this work and I am as engaged as a person can be in what they do.  My core strengths are aligned with my work.  I am doing work that matters.

So what does that mean practically?  I still need more clients.  I still need better marketing and have no marketing budget. I still need to fill my empty workshops. 

It is the same thing I say to my clients.  You must be crystal clear about what you want and then keep making steps in each moment, day, week, month that moves you closer to that end goal. You must use your resources as cleverly as you can; maybe that is asking experts for advice or calling in a favor from a friend or using your network to ask for help. 

You must not deviate from your chosen route!  Through the doubt, through the insecurity, through those long nights.

Put Your Heart In It

I was meeting with an individual yesterday, helping him to set out goals for the new year.  We went through a series of discussions and were able to identify a list of what he wanted to accomplish and a path to get him there.  But what happened in the middle of the discussion was what really mattered, both to him and me. 

This individual started a new profession six months ago.  It is essentially a sales position, with a product he feels passionate about and  is quite comfortable selling with integrity (something that matters to him above all).  However, he's had trouble getting movement on his sales.  He has a huge social network - the guy is so lovable he's invited to parties where sometimes he's not even sure he knows the party giver!  That is the dream of anyone attempting a career in sales or starting a business. What this told me is that he was holding himself back, not his circumstances.  His own fears were keeping him from the success he wants and deserves because he felt it was inappropriate to use this innate quality of likability and compassion, that ekes from his pores by the way, to improve his sales. 

He was holding on to this belief that it was inappropriate to share what you do for fear it would come across as 'selling' instead of giving his friends and business associates a chance to decide for themselves if it was something they were interested in learning more about.  After he understood his own thinking, he agreed he could begin to casually mention what he does (which, by the way, is a product every person needs) and start opening doors for himself at every social and business function he attends.  All the sudden, right there in the meeting, he had a bunch of other ideas of how to attract clients.  He got excited about going forward instead of feeling at a loss.

And then he gave me a gift.  He said, the value of working with a coach is that we address your heart - what you care about, what you're afraid of and what you really want your life to be about.  When you understand all of that, your goals become crystal clear.   There are many experts in how to grow your business, marketing gurus, strategists, etc. that are essential if you are serious about making your business a success.  But a coach can help you with your heart. 

I look forward to seeing his business explode this year!

New Years Resolutions - How bad do you want it?

January is the month we naturally see as the beginning of a new chapter.  Most of us have areas in our lives in which there could be improvement. The things we want to do better, do more of or do less of as the case may be.  The key to change is what I call the how bad do you want it syndrome.  If you are willing to admit what you truly want and visualize it, you can make it happen.  It is simple really - it is a matter of wanting it bad enough that you are willing to break a couple of sweats, push a little harder, expand your thoughts to include your own wild success.

  There are three steps to consider as you are planning your goals for 2008.

• What isn't working?  What do you not want?  Write it down.  Be specific.
• Look at the first list and turn the negatives into positives.  Define as specifically as you can exactly what you want.  As you are making your list, visualize what your life looks like when you accomplish the items on the list.  Visualize doing them.
• Take the second list and map out a time line with specific target dates specified.  List possible resources to help you reach your goals.  Figure out how to keep yourself accountable.  List possible challenges and then figure out how to conquer them if they do arise.

Lastly, dream big.  Big, specific dreams.  Don't be afraid of your own success! 

My First Blog - Welcome me to the Modern Age!

My husband, a self professed techie type has been encouraging me (by that I really mean bugging me) to begin a blog.  He says it is the thing to do, especially if you own a small business.  Needless to say, I've resisted.  Mostly because I'm busy and I thought who has time to read blogs let alone write one?  I have two small children; I'm writing a novel; I'm growing my coaching business. I'm too busy for this blogging thing.  Plus, would anyone really want to read something about me?  Could I possibly think of anything to write that would be interesting?  It all seems doubtful. However, last year I began three new things that had been dreams for a long time (write a novel, get in shape and start a coaching business) so why not continue that theme in 2008?  If you don't do things that seem scary or strange how do you grow?  Not a new concept of course, but one I know I struggle with and so do many of my clients.  To be open to the new, to embrace aspects of life that are foreign, to explore unknown territories within yourself - that is the stuff that makes you feel alive and that makes your life the exciting beautiful adventure it should be.  I invite those concepts to the party with each new client so I better bring them to my own!  So, here I am - throwing myself out to the blog world.   If you find your way to me somehow, I'm glad to see you or not see you or however this blogging thing works.  "Talk" with you soon!